Balance
by Panda513
Summary: A dramatic, heartfelt Sam and Leah story. Is graphic in some aspects, you have been warned. one shot.


So I have always had a problem with the Sam/Emily storyline, not only do I hate them together, but I feel bad for Leah

**So I have always had a problem with the Sam/Emily storyline, not only do I hate them together, but I feel bad for Leah. So, this is MY Sam and Leah story, with a happy ending. Leah is NOT A WEREWOLF in this. For the record, I know how imprinting works, I've read the books a million times, but I'm tweaking the story and putting my twist on the idea. I've done it in other stories of mine as well. RR! **

**--Amanda**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The fall had come and gone, winter was glancing upon the state of Washington again. December was always a chilly month here in La Push, a mix of cold rain, sleet, and the occasional ice storm was not uncommon. I remember waking up on those cold mornings where the frost is covered on your bedroom window, not wanting to pull the covers off and just spend the rest of the day in bed. Sometimes, on Sunday mornings, I would. The world would rotate, the sun turned into the moon before I knew it. I lay in bed, content and at ease without the worry and concern of the falling snow and icy streets. Of course, that was a different time of my life then. That's when I had Sam lying next to me.

I was seventeen when we moved in together. Our parents were against the idea of us living together, but between me sneaking out of my window into Sam's arms waiting below or when he would sneak up to my bedroom to spend the night, it didn't seem too far fetched. We were in love, soul mates even in my eyes, and the rest of our world could complain about our age and moving too fast, but we never paid attention. The only thing I would listen to was Sam telling me exactly how much I meant to him, and how much he loved me. Anything else was brushed aside in knowing Sam would never let me down. Too bad fairytales don't always come true.

I was eighteen when I became pregnant. Sam had been working at the garage and I had trudged my way to the convenience store through a blizzard to buy a test. We had been living together for a little less than a year, most of the times we were careful, but sometimes we had the occasional slip up. I remember anxiously pacing back and forth waiting for the timer to go off, still dressed in my snow boots and down coat. I had a thick coating of snow stuck in between the ridges of my boots, the floor becoming slippery as it melted underneath me. The timer went off suddenly, snapping me out of whatever thoughts I was having. I pivoted to grab it, only to slip on the mixture of water and snow I created on the floor. I went down hard, barely remembering hitting my head off the side of the bathtub before crashing onto the tile.

_April 4, 2006_

"_Leah! Oh my God, please, please, no!" _

_Two strong arms and a husky, panicked voice awoke me from my stupor. The bathroom tile was cool against my cheek, quickly being replaced by a warm hand that was shaking me slightly. I opened my eyes to find the room was spinning along with the love of my life, holding my face between his large hands. _

"_Baby?! Can you hear me?!" His anxious voice matched his trembling fingers as he tried to gently shake me awake. _

"_Sam," I whispered, the room slowly coming to a halt. I heard him gasp in a sigh of what only could be relief as he leaned down and placed kisses along my forehead. _

"_What happened?" He demanded; his lips still attached to my face. _

"_I fell," It was all I could manage to say but it was enough to send him into panic mode. _

"_Did you hit your head? We need to get you to the hospital, right now. C'mon, honey, let me,-" I cut him off. _

"_No, I'm fine!" I quickly remembered the pregnancy test that was sitting on the sink behind Sam. I reached my arms up and pushed against his chest as hard as I could, trying to get him off of me. _

"_Leah!" He barely budged with my force, so instead I gripped the bathtub with my hands and tried to stand up. "You might have a concussion, you need to stay down! Don't move." He grabbed my shoulders, steadying me as I sat up and leaned the small of my back against the tub in a sitting position. _

_I watched him look over my body, I'm sure searching for injuries, and butterflies erupted in my stomach. I've never seen him so in control over a situation, especially something like this. He winced when he felt the bump against the right side of my head, rubbing his thumb over it. _

"_Sam, I'm fine, really." I told him, annoyed, trying to get him to back off._

"_You hit your head," He winced as he felt the bump again. "I want the doctor to look at you, just to make sure you don't have a concussion." He looked up at me and saw me fully conscious for the first time. The look in his eyes was filled with nothing but concern and love, and I suddenly felt whole again. His brows came together in confusion as he looked down at my body once again. "Why are you in your coat? Were you going somewhere? It's a blizzard out there, Leah. I can't have you driving around right now, the streets are slick." I shot him an evil glare. _

"_I didn't drive; I went for a walk, for your information. I can do anything I want to." I felt bad immediately after I spit the words at him. His eyes narrowed, not understanding my sudden change of temper. _

"_What's the matter?" I sat in silence, still glowering at him, refusing to answer his question. "I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong."_

"_You can't fix this." I whispered to him, refusing to meet his eyes. _

"_You don't know that until you tell me what it is." He reached his palm up to cup my face, stroking my cheek softly. "What is it, baby?" _

"_Look behind you," I watched him turn and check the floor and the cabinet under the sink, his eyes searching rapidly. "The sink, on the sink," I gave him another clue as he got to his feet. I turned my head to the side, childishly, not wanting to see his face. "I still can't believe you didn't notice it when you walked in." _

"_You were my only concern," I heard him whisper, barely audible, with confusion in his tone. It was as if his subconscious answered for him. I lifted my head up to catch a glimpse of Sam, standing against the sink with the pregnancy test in his hand. His expression wasn't angry like I expected, it was more concerning and worried. _

"_Not anymore, right?" I let out a bitter sigh, my eyes finding his. _

"_Leah," He paused, looking down at the test again. "Are you pregnant?"_

"_Don't know," I said dryly. "You're holding the test, you tell me. I fell before I could see the results." _

"_I don't know how to read it." He whispered again, staring down at the test with a bewildering look. _

"_Two lines means its positive, one means its negative." I sucked in my breath, afraid of the outcome. Was I ready to become a mother? Was Sam ready? We never discussed children before, we were so young, and it seemed like a lifetime away. But, here I sit on the bathroom floor with my boyfriend who's holding a pregnancy test and I realize it's time to grow up. _

"_Pregnant. You're pregnant." His voice was quiet but shocked. The test dropped to the ground and my eyes flew up to his face. He looked down at me, his eyes unreadable, as he got down on one knee in front of me. "We're pregnant." He grabbed hold of my face again, pulling me towards him so our foreheads were touching. _

"_Oh my God," I muttered._

"_Oh my God," Sam chuckled, kissing the tip of my nose. "We're having a baby."_

Sam had me at the hospital not even thirty minutes later. The doctor checked my head for a concussion, which there wasn't, and confirmed after a blood test that I was expecting. I was less than two months along, and Sam couldn't be happier. I was of course still having doubts. I wasn't sure if I was ready for the responsibility of raising a child, but knowing Sam was there supporting me lightened the load. He was so positive, reassuring me that everything would be okay, and he would always be there.

I was in the final term of my pregnancy when it happened. Just entering my ninth month, with winter coming back again, the first snowfall of the season was that night, as I recall, the worst night of my life.

_December 7, 2006_

"_Okay, next it says connect bolt b with slide c." I stared down, trying to make sense of the instructions to our new crib. Sam was in charge of the building and screwing and I was in charge of telling him what to do. I liked this plan. _

"_That makes no sense, Leah. It doesn't even fit!" He slammed down the wooden piece, frustrated as he grabbed the piece of paper out of my hand. _

"_Whoa, I never said it made sense. These instructions are junk." He laughed, shaking his head, trying to locate where we left off. _

"_Okay, no, see it says, connect bolt b with slide c," Realization flickered across his face. "God damn it!" He let go of the instructions, letting them fall on top of the pieces of dark wood and bolts._

"_Told you," I snickered and stuck my tongue out at him. "Lets see, maybe its labeled wrong or-" I felt a sharp cramp in my stomach, the sharpest I had ever felt throughout my pregnancy. I instinctively reached down and covered my stomach with my hand. Sam's eyes still were concentrating on the pieces of the crib, not noticing my sudden lost words. _

"_-or what?" He glanced up at me to see my face contorted in pain. "Leah? You alright?" He dropped what piece was in his hand and reached out towards me. He put one hand on my shoulder, the other found my waist. _

"_No, I think I'm going into labor." I wasn't even in my nine month yet, it was too early, too soon. _

"_It's too soon." Sam stated the obvious as I glared at him. _

"_Well, too soon or not, something is definitely not right." Another contraction hit me; a wave of pain came on faster than lightening. Sam grabbed my arm trying to steady me and quickly decided it was time to go to the hospital. _

"_We have to go, is your bag packed?" He was up now, trying to lift me from my sitting position. When he finally got me to stand, my tan pants felt soaking wet and I knew my water had broke. I heard Sam gasp and I looked down to realize my pants were stained a deep red, blood. I was bleeding. _

"_Oh my God, Sam, what's going on?!" I started to panic as he glided me towards the door where my hospital bag was packed and waiting. _

"_It's going to be fine, Leah, fine," Sam mumbled, his voice was definitely not calming me. He had my bag around his arm and he was behind me in less than a second helping me into my jacket. _

"_Sam! Why am I bleeding! What the hell is going on?!" I was a freaking disaster by the time we were in the driveway heading for the car. Tears were pouring from my eyes and I was scared out of my mind. Was my baby alright? _

"_I don't know, sweetheart, just stay calm, here let's get you into the car." He helped me slide into the passenger seat as I sobbed, not wanting to let go of his hand. Sam quickly released my grip, prying my fingers from his, and got into the drivers seat in a flash. We were only 10 minutes away from the hospital, but it still felt like forever as I sat and waited for the enviable. _

It was the longest night of my life, and I barely made it through. Our baby girl, Tula, had a rare blood condition that caused a blockage in her small heart. Her heartbeat was too weak by the time we had arrived at the hospital, stopping all together shortly thereafter. As devastated and tired as I was, the doctor entered the room to finish telling me what needed to be done.

_December 8, 2006_

"_Leah, Sam, again, I am so sorry for your lose. I understand how overwhelming this must be for you." Dr. Powe had come in, standing over me on the right side of the bed. My body was in complete shock, I couldn't feel anything except for my hands that were still gripping my stomach. Tula was still there, her heartbeat had failed only moments before. _

_I turned to Sam, who had his head down on my shoulder at the crook of my neck, his hands over mine. He was sobbing, leaving my hospital gown wet with salty tears, as he rubbed his thumbs over my fingers. I was too in shock to cry, my mind still processing the death of my unborn daughter. _

"_Leah," The doctor cleared his throat, snapping me out of thoughts. "I know this is hard to take in right now, but your daughter needs to be born." I thought I misunderstood what he said, Sam too, both of our heads rotating to look at him. _

"_What? What do you mean?" For the slightest second I was hopeful, maybe I had heard the doctor wrong, the delusions slowly filled my conscious as I was harshly slapped back into reality once again. _

"_A still birth, Leah," The doctor frowned, as tears formed in my eyes like a wave crashing over rocks. Realization hit me that I need to deliver my child, my dead child._

"_No! No, I can't! Sam, please, Sam!" I looked towards Sam; panic overcame me, trying to find the answers in his face. His expression was dead and timid as he looked at me. I turned back to the doctor glaring wickedly at him. "You can't make me do this! I'm not strong enough, I can't handle this. Please understand!" Sam's voice, overbearing with sorrow and disappointment, whispered in my ear. _

"_We have to do this, Leah, baby, please. You need to be strong for me. You need to be strong for Tula," His voice cracked as he said her name, tears streaming down his face once again. Tula means balance, we named her that because we thought she would be the balancing force in our lives, as long as we had her, she would keep us strong and together. _

"_Sam, no! Please, don't make me, please," I sobbed into his hair, kissing the top of his head. _

"_I'm so sorry, honey, you have to, we have to do this," He was up and behind me after the doctor motioned to him. His sobs subsided as mine came on full force. He sat me up and put both of his legs on either side of me, pulling my hands away from my stomach. I leaned back into his chest, sobbing uncontrollably as he stroked my hair. Dr. Powe came to the edge of the bed below me, snapping on his surgical gloves before slowly pulling my legs apart. _

"_Oh, God! Please, oh no, I can't," I cried against Sam as I heard the doctor tell me to push. Sam was crying as well, silently, as I only felt tears hit my shoulder blades every so often. _

_The birth took less than an hour, but it was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. With every push, my dreams were washed away by my tears. When Tula finally emerged and we got to hold her for the first and only time, I couldn't breathe. I sat with the baby in my arms, the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, and cried for hours. I cried until nothing was left and I drifted off to sleep, Tula still protected in my arms, and I still protected in Sam's. _

Today was December 8, 2007. Tula would have been a year old, had she been alive and well, instead of cold and still in my arms that night. I lit up another cigarette as I watched the snow come down from my window. I was sitting up in bed, with the comforter still wrapped around me. Nightfall had come and gone, and I hadn't moved. I spent the whole day here, in bed, remembering the horrible night exactly one year ago. And I spent it alone, bitter, without Sam by my side. He was with Emily, a cousin and a selfish bitch, who took the only good thing away from me a month after Tula's death.

When Sam started getting sick, I thought he was in depression, but turns out he had his heritage to blame for his disease. The fact that I watched him change into a wolf for the first time ever, without understanding any of the legends or details to our background was truly terrifying. Of course, he had never attacked me, unlike Emily who has scars all over face and body. Am I glad this happened to her? I guess you can say right now, in this moment, yes I am. I can only imagine her pain being half as bad as mine, assuming she went into shock after Sam's claws scratched down her beautiful face. Only later did I found out the true meaning of what made Sam snap, when Jacob read his mind once he had phased. Emily had brought Tula up, in an argument of theirs that sent him over the edge. If I had heard what she said, Emily wouldn't be breathing, but that's another story. Call me bitter, but I don't give a fuck. The two things I only truly cared about were gone and nothing would bring them back.

I heard the door of my small cottage open, figuring it was my mother or Seth coming back for the second time today to check on me. They knew exactly how much this day was killing me but I insisted they leave me alone.

"I don't want to see anyone." I called out, quiet and shyly, through my open bedroom door. I heard footsteps walking towards my room, and anger radiated through me. "_I said I want to be alone!" _ I yelled out, the footsteps were louder as they were right outside my doorway. "Are you fucking deaf? Didn't you-" I stared towards my door and my breathing stopped.

"Leah," His husky voice spoke and shivers exploded down my spine.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Sam?" As if anything could be worse on a day like today, a visit from Sam, who I haven't spoken to since he left me all those months ago, would set me off.

He stayed in the doorway, watching my face, before I turned my head back towards the window. I watched the snow come down, as I felt a few tears of my own slide down my cheeks, hoping he would leave before he saw me crying.

"Go away," I told him with authority, refusing to face him.

"No," It was all he said, still quiet and incredibly deep, he made me weak.

Before I realized what was happening, he appeared next to the bed, climbing into it with me pulling the comforter over his body.

"Are you out of your fucking mind? Get the hell out of here!" I wrapped more blankets around me and pushed myself farther up against the wall, as far away from him as I could. I couldn't escape; he was blocking the only exit from the bed. Before I could think to go down or try to get around him, he scooted closer to me and threw his arms around my body. He pulled me into his chest, holding my head with his hand against it. I inhaled deeply, and tears sprung to my eyes, pouring out onto him.

His hands ran up and down my back, soothing me. I became irrationally angry when I realized this was not a dream and with all of my might I shoved against his chest, my hands turned to fists and punched at him. He remained completely still, not moving an inch even though I didn't expect him to.

"I want you out of here; you shouldn't be here, Sam." I shot my head up to stare at him, my body warm as his eyes glared softly into mine. They were filled with something I haven't seen from him in so long, they were filled with love; unending, inescapable, can't-live-without-each-other love. The looks he used to give me before we lost Tula and before Emily came along. "Does _Emily _know you're here?" I spit the words at him, annunciating her name, making it clear.

"I don't care," He said, his eyes narrowing as we glowered furiously at each other.

"You don't care that Emily doesn't know you're here?" I snapped back.

"No," He protested.

"Well, will you please explain to me what you're doing here? I'd like to be clued in," I stared evilly into his eyes, my irritation at a whole new level.

"Do you know what today is?" His eyes turned soft but black as coal as he spoke. My blood began to boil, as if I had forgotten that I gave birth to our dead child a year ago today.

"What the fuck kind of question is that, Sam?! Do you think it's something I can just forget? Like when you left me for my cousin?! Like when you just forgot about me!" Tears streamed down my face as I screamed out in his. "Go fuck yourself." I let out bitterly, turning my head back towards the window as the snow whipped around outside in the strong winds. I felt his lips on my bare shoulder and my breath caught in my throat.

"I miss you," He whispered against my skin, chills running down my arms. "I miss you so damn much." I felt tears splash on my hot skin and kisses leave trails of fire on my shoulder and back.

"You shouldn't talk like that, Sam." I whispered breathlessly, as I subconsciously leaned back against him.

"Emily was a mistake, Leah," He told me. "She may be the one I imprinted on, and the one I am supposedly made to be with, but," He kissed my shoulder again, letting his lips linger before he continued. "You're the one, Leah. You always have been."

"I know Jacob told you why I attacked her, because she brought up Tula," He trembled against me as he spoke her name. "But she brought it up because I was leaving her Leah, to come back for you."

"I understand if I hurt you too much and you can never forgive me, but I need you to understand its not that I stopped loving you. I have never stopped loving you; I will never stop loving you." He paused and I turned to face him, the tears rolling down my face as his thumb brushed them away. "I need you in my life Leah, always." I blinked once, and he continued.

"Sometimes, when I'm on patrol, I'll come here," He nodded towards my window and the woods below now covered in white powder. "And just watch you sleeping. You cry sometimes, you know, while you sleep. You say my name too, and it kills me. I want to reach out and take you in my arms to protect you from all the pain and sorrow that your mind is made of. I want to be that guy who keeps you safe, and I can't pretend to hide that anymore. Please let me be that guy again, baby. I promise I won't let you down again."

I took his words to heart, did he mean them? Was he just saying these things because of what day it was? Did he still love me? I decided it didn't matter, and I believed everything he said. I leaned in and kissed him softly on his warm lips, a short sweet kiss, that still tingled against my flesh when we pulled apart.

"I love you," I said as I brought our foreheads together by pulling his face towards mine. A few more tears escaped his eyes as he let out a harsh breath.

"She would have been a year old today," He brought his hand to my stomach, rubbing circles on it, like he used to when I was pregnant. "God, Leah, I think about her everyday."

"Me too," I kissed his forehead, running my fingers through his cropped hair.

We lay together for hours, letting the dawn rise and fall, the afternoon sun hit my window and the snow began to melt. Sam pulled the comforter tighter around my body when twilight came, though the cold air from outside never reached me. For now, we were okay, wrapped in each others arms as another night fell upon us. One day at a time we would face the world, knowing that no matter what came upon us, we had each other to balance the rest out.


End file.
